What’s all the big deal about bringing more readers? Who cares about reader? We are bloggers, right? We ramble here for our own pleasure. We want to take the frustration out of our life in some way. What does it matter if readers are not interested in what we write? This is our place and we have every right to write what we think is right. If somebody doesn’t like to read what we write, so be it. Since you are reading this post, you agree with me, I suppose and so, here I present a 15-point guide on how not to give a damn about building traffic and increase your blogging pleasure.
1. Design your blog with some cheap or preferably, free theme which has weird color combination and obscure typography.
2. Clutter your blog with lot of different types of ads. If you can get ads which pops out of nowhere after every five seconds, you are doing awesome!
3. Write about random topics with no particular relevance in order. You can write about your girlfriend’s lunatic behavior or some rare disease found in North-East Africa.
4. Make it absolutely impossible to search for posts using categories or year or generic search facility.
5. Heavily use jazzy flash animations or large images which take eons to load and render
6. Post at your convenience. You can go without posting for weeks or months.
7. Copy and paste contents from other blogs or websites
8. Make every other post about affiliate products. Make every effort to bombard readers to pitch affiliate products, without any relevance to your blog. If your blog is about books, don’t hesitate to pitch about Viagra pills.
9. Do not care about SEO. It’s stuff from Aliens; you don’t have to bother yourself. SEO is for those poor souls who disgrace themselves by caring for the readers.
10. Never ever reveal your real identity to readers. You can boast about yourself in “About me” section, but never give away your real name, photo, address or email. Being anonymous keeps reader guessing who you are and they will be more interested to know about you.
11. Don’t set up RSS feed and don’t waste your money on purchasing email marketing systems. If readers are really interested, they will come to your blog.
12. If you ever get a comment for your post, never reply to that. Never give impression to reader that you are interested in what he has to say.
13. Visit the blogs similar to yours and leave negative replies there. Make sure that you flame their blog. These types of controversies makes you well-known around the community.
14. Occasionally, write posts abusing other fellow bloggers’ work. This will make your more noticeable in blogging community. We don’t live in Disneyland, so stop being a puppy!
15. Finally, most important tip! Never ever write even a paragraph of interesting content. If introduction to your blog post catches attention of reader, you are losing it mate! Make use of heavy phrases, make spelling and grammatical errors, never highlight important points and randomly use bold, italic typefaces just for fun. You have no idea how much fun it is imagining reader pulling his hair 
Benefits
You may ask what the benefits are if readers are scared away from the blog. After all readers is the reason we blog, right? My dear friend, you are about to surprise yourself.
1 . Complete piece of mind. You no longer have to worry about writing for reader’s pleasure. You write what you write and what a freedom it is!
2. You save lot of money. You don’t have to go for great hosting company nor have you to buy expensive themes or plugins or marketing services. Money doesn’t grow on tree after all!
3. You don’t have to proofread your post and waste your valuable time. Just gibber whatever you want and hit the publish button. That’s it!
4. Since there is no question of establishing relationship with reader, your inbox is never flooded with “How can I market potatoes using Facebook?” or “How to install internet on my machine?” type of questions.
5. Since you are in no competition with your fellow bloggers, you don’t have to sweat over building your brand. Keeping low or no expectation is the ultimate freedom!
Now, that you know what golden apples are waiting for you, just implement these valuable tips on your blog. I know you always wanted to! Get your blogging freedom, reap benefits before others do and slap yourself if you don’t take timely action. Before wrapping up this post, I want to just let you know that this is just a teaser. I have written an e-book on “How Not To Give A Damn About Traffic” and it is available exclusively on this blog for just $120. If you are interested, just let me know. Early entries are NOT going to get any discounts. To grab your copy, leave the comment below. Keep geeking!
P.S. This post is intended as pun as you, smart reader, might have already guessed. Don’t take it seriously. This was my sarcastic attempt to show what not to do with your blog. I hope you liked it 
Similar Posts You May Like-
Ctrl+Alt+Del Your Blogging: How to Defeat Writer's Block [Image courtesy: Drew Coffman] Even the best bloggers out there have periods of time when they can't quite get their blogging done, and they need to reboot. Given the nature of blogging and how it's very fast-paced these days, even a relatively short case of blogger's block can negatively affect the health...... -
What’s Wrong With Blogging – Blogger’s Perspective Yesterday, I looked at reader's take on What's wrong with blogging - a question asked by Darren Rowse on his blog. Today I want to write about the aspects of blogging which I feel are still undeveloped. Few years ago, blogging was unheard of and there were only few hobbyists...... - Skribit - Turn Reader Suggestion Into Blog Post Human mind is one of a kind creation by the God. Sometimes, out of nowhere, I get a brilliant thought to blog about. But sometimes (when luck is not on my side, duh!), I bite my nails off without any clue on what to write. Writing about any junk is......
- 6 Things To Avoid "Thesis" Look For Your Blog I am bored. Yes, I am bored of looking blogs with same "thesis"-ly look. I have no idea why people buy Thesis theme and then just leave it as it is. I mean, Thesis looks good with its default look and feel and I agree that you bought Thesis just......
-
5 Things We Can Learn From Google Buzz Since its launch, much has been said about Google's debut product in the field of micro-blogging - Google Buzz. Today, web has been flooded with articles describing Buzz features, Buzz reviews, Buzz hacks, Buzz problems, Buzz tools and so on. There are people in favor of and against Google Buzz.......
{ 1 trackback }